AUGH… Lately, I’ve been struggling more than usual, and I’ve been asking myself, ‘Am I really recovered?’ Why would I write this blog to encourage others if I’m still running back to some of my old habits? Most of all, am I resting in Jesus? Recovery takes so much faith, and I realize how weak and frail I am without leaning on Jesus every day, every hour, every second. The second I start to depend on myself, I fall. I run to find security in food or the SCALE, two things that have never satisfied any of my hunger for acceptance or identity. Yet Jesus always satisfies my longing, and I am so thankful that God’s love NEVER fails, even in every tough step. Hebrews 11:1-3, ‘Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.‘ In some ways, I’m not sure I can understand how you would be able to do recovery without a total dependence on the Almighty God, the saving power of Jesus, and the deep assurance of His love.
Thank you to the SWEET Jenn, Arman, and Laura for consistently hosting these amazing WIAW link-ups. I love sharing the eats without worrying about food judgment and just LOVING all the variety God Almighty has made in this world.
I’ve still been acting like a slave lately when it comes to recovery and eating and food and weight. My deepest desire is to seek God, not that weight anymore, not that food, not that perfect body, but I can not lie and say that recovery is NOT hard. Galatians 4:4-7, ‘But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law, To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.’
Even when we are redeemed by Jesus Christ, Satan can lie to us, but do his lies have any power?
Romans 6 is a PRECIOUS, precious chapter that I have been clinging to in the past struggles of the last couple weeks. Even though I’ve been feeling like a slave, a slave to numbers again, a slave to my identity being in the scale or any such thing like that, I’ve been repeating these truths in my mind.
Romans 6:11-14, ‘Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.’
Grace came to remove me out of this slavery, out of this slavery to my identity being in that number, the food that I eat, or healthiness as defined by the ‘culture.’ Food is not bad. Health is not bad. Yet, my identity is not in those things.
I’m not the center of my life. I can’t be, even if the devil wants me to focus on myself and all my failures. I AM Christ’s now. I am Christ’s and He is mine.
I’m going to be repeating these truths in my head as I struggle through the next few days… I know that these truths are ALWAYS true, no matter what I feel, and that is great comfort. GOD is TRUE, even though my head is so often a liar.
Romans 8:10, ‘If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness.’
Galatians 2:20, ‘“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.’
In light of that I’ve really been praying that I lean entirely on the power of God, because He is INFINITELY powerful. If I trust in myself, I just immediately fall and find despair.
In Him is hope, and I want to keep eating in hope, keep listening to my appetite, and eating LOTS of food to keep my body fueled.
What did I eat yesterday? O_o Well, it was not a usual day. I got up really late.
Inevitably I decided to make some Kodiak Cakes after taking the dogs out for a walk.
Breakfast was 3.5 big Kodiak cakes soaked with BHAPPY Peanut Butter (The Chocolate Cherry Kind), Syrup, and plain yogurt. I mixed blueberries into the batter, so they were deeply purple.
My afternoon snack (eaten after this late breakfast that happened at about 11 AM) was a big banana plus the remainder of my homemade gingerbread peanut butter. I wasn’t, surprisingly hungry for a LONG time until about 4 pm. That’s when I ate the banana and peanut butter before my run.
Dinner was definitely what my body was craving. I made up a salad bar. I didn’t skimp on the dressing. I used to skimp on the dressing when I got the idea that fat was a bad thing (unhealthy) even though God made my body to need fat. This time I definitely didn’t. This was a bed of lettuce, a fried egg, chicken, parmesan cheese, roasted asparagus, raisins, and some of my VERY favorite Italian dressing to top it all off.
I’ve also been eating other food lately too, and I have to share some, because I’m pretty excited about all these new finds. 🙂
This egg salad was notable. My sister made it. It was super creamy and delicious. 🙂 And have you tried the Crunchmaster crackers?
I also made Cinnamon Roll Oatmeal the other day. The only thing it was missing was cream cheese frosting. 🙂
Let’s talk about this cinnamon raisin bread for a bit. For a pre-disclaimer I did reach out to Manna Organics and ask if they would be willing to provide me with some product for a review. They really sweetly sent me a jar of their ‘Coconut Cashew Butter’ and two loaves of their Sprouted Grain bread. I chose their multi-grain and cinnamon raisin bread. WOW, this stuff is so good. It is extremely dense and chewy and just the right amount of sweet. It also tastes like the best piece of bread and butter ever with the coconut cashew butter. The cashew butter has these delicious little bits of coconut floating throughout. THANK the Lord for crunch and all His marvelous provisions.
Do you struggle with guilt?
Do you have encouragement for the recovery journey? How long does it take?
How do you keep your mind off the numbers of ‘health?’ How do you keep your mind on the real goals in health?