I love gazing at the sky whether it’s night time or during the day. I love star gazing; it’s such fun, and so humbling and glorious at the same time. It’s humbling because it reminds me of what the Psalmist says in Psalm 19, ‘What is man that you are mindful of him and the son of man that Thou visitest him?’ Seriously, what is man that the God of the Universe would even care about us? Yet the awesome, incredibly mind blowing fact is that God does care about this earth, mankind, souls, precious souls. He cared so much that He provided the way back to Him, the reconciliation between God and man; and His name is Jesus. There is just no greater story, no greater reality to me, and it really does humble me. It’s amazing how He continues to use it to keep me humbled and learning to trust more in Him.
The sin I’ve struggled with the most in my life is …. pride.
James 4:6, ‘But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.’
Isaiah 66:2, ‘For all those things hath mine hand made, and all those things have been, saith the LORD: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word.’
And this story gets me every time. It breaks me. Luke 18:10-14, ‘Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. 11The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. 12I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. 13And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. 14I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.’
I grew up as a cocky ‘overly confident’ young woman. I always had my ‘goodie two shoes’ strapped on tight. I would say things without regrets often, until they came back to bite me. I would offend people, because I wanted my opinion to be known instead of loving people.
I honestly could not be good. You know when those movies say, ‘You have good inside of you?’ That was definitely not me, and I don’t think it’s true of any human being without the regenerating work of Jesus Christ.
I was a BAD kid. Yet I appeared outwardly ‘good.’ The story of the Pharisee and the publican stings so much, because I can barely remember a time before my eating disorder that I ever really felt broken by my sin. I would always find a way to make myself look better than someone else. I didn’t confess my sin very often; I was a hard child, pretty on the outside, pretty rotten on the inside.
This ashames me to say it, but we would have never needed the atoning, saving blood of Jesus Christ if we weren’t powerless to save our souls. I’m humbled by the fact that I was so bad.
So I’m thankful, because God does humble people, including me.
And my pride did not all just go away during my ED. In fact, just the past 6 weeks, I’ve been on a new journey.
I’ve been learning to train dogs and not work out as much. Every lesson this week seems to have left me humbled in a new way and in need of so much fresh grace and mercy from my God.
These have been teaching me humility, and I’m learning how much pride is still left, welling up inside of me.
However each day this past week has been a day of learning to be humbled by God’s goodness and my insufficiency.
That’s why I wanted to share some of these … um… hard life lessons and good life lessons from the past week/week-in-review with Meghan and all the other blogger peeps this morning. The biggest lesson is that it’s good to be humbled, even though it’s hard.
Monday: (A day of learning that I can only take things one step at a time. I can’t pile a to-do list on a Monday or plan to do ALL the things, because … I go crazy and I make other people crazy.) – It was also a morning of learning to swallow my pride over my accomplishments and be grateful for others helping me.
Tuesday: A day of learning that all though I sometimes think I have enough energy to keep up with 4 huskies, I don’t, and I am so grateful when my sister comes home and she (who has more energy than me) takes those furry creatures for some invigorating evening walks.
Wednesday: An evening, especially, of being reminded that I do not hold the universe and I can not make everything go right for my family. It was an evening of learning and being humbled by the fact that my younger sisters are so much more mature and peaceful and calm in situations where I get a little worried, anxious, control-freakish.
Psalm 68: 4,’Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: extol him that rideth upon the heavens by his name Jah, and rejoice before him.’
Thursday: The daily lesson that humbles me especially when it comes to recovery and eating and my podcast is that I do not have it all figured out; that I’m still re-learning how to listen to my body, to appreciate God’s gift of intuitive eating, to glorify God with my eating and exercise. Some days I think I have my hunger all ‘pinned down’, and then I realize that my body does need some more food at night or in the morning, and I realize I’m not a low-fuel, low maintenance gal. But that is pressing me to depend on the Lord more and reminding me that I need nutrition, food that He alone provides daily, food most of all for the soul, and for the body and mind.
When I’m tempted to feel confident in myself and my ability, the Lord brings a gentle reminder that I need Him to strengthen me on this journey. I still have bad body image days, days when I just am so depressed and so self-focused, days when I’m comparing myself to everybody and anybody, and it’s definitely … hard, but good.
Friday: Humbled to be my dad’s daughter. I don’t know a more gracious, kind, forgiving, humble man. And he is constantly patiently shepherding us, loving us, and pointing us to Jesus. He turned …. ___ … this week, and I’m so thankful God has given him all these years.
Saturday: Thankful for a mama who is hard working and who reminds me to be hard working. I’m definitely actually way more prone to be a lazy gal when it comes to cleaning and doing simple tasks around the house on Saturdays. Yet my mom encourages me to … get off of social media… and follow her example of getting the job done.
.. . . . .
Parents teach us so much; I don’t know what I’d do without mine.
Last but of course not least, I’m thankful to have had some really fun baking time this week. I wanted to share some of my favorite baking/cooking finds from the week.
#1) Michele’s Chocolate Pudding and Athletic Avocado’s Strawberry Blueberry Rhubarb Cake. – Soft and fluffy cake and creamy pudding = SO SO GOOD.
#2) The most fluffy chocolate zucchini bread from Michele’s blog. Mine wasn’t paleo, but it was still SO GOOD! I used regular gluten free flour. 🙂
#3) SO THANKFUL that these chocolate tahini brownies turned out well. I shared the recipe last week!
#4) The easiest cinnamon roll recipe in the world. – Haley shared this on her blog a little while ago, and it was extremely easy to make. I kind of de-veganized it when I added this Jif spread on top. But … the actual recipe was vegan which was kind of different. I usually use eggs and milk when making cinnamon rolls, so it was a change. Yet it was still really good.
Some of my other favorite eats have been these savory bowls of random goodness. I was solo for a dinner this week, so I just threw things into a bowl on one evening. The other evening it was just me and my sister, so we did eggs and bacon and rice. My grandpa always used to do eggs and bacon and rice for breakfast, and this brought back such sweet memories.
Do it Yourself: Rice, Pepperjack chese, Chicken Salad, Lettuce, Cucumbers, Caesar Dressing, cilantro, and red peppers. 🙂
Do It Yourself: Rice, Cheese, Eggs, Bacon, Cilantro, the BEST Safeway salsa, and I think that was all.
Before I finish I want to just share a few recipes that I’m hoping to make in the next week so y’all can keep me accountable. Of course plans change, so I’m always open to plans changing.
And yesterday, I was in Hebrews 10. I’m attempting to read the Bible backwards, and these words stuck out like a banner to me. They are ones I’ve been clinging to the for the past day.
Hebrews 10:12-14, ‘
But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God;
13 From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool.
14 For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.‘
In the OT, the Jews offered up sacrifices of animals to atone for their sins, but it was never a permanent solution. However when this man, Jesus the Son of God, both man and God in the flesh, came from heaven to earth, He finished that battle. He made that one final sacrifice, and He calls the weary, heavy laden sinners to Him. And He can give rest, complete, perfect rest, complete peace with God.
It just makes me wonder and . . . speechless. . . in a way to think that some day I’ll actually see Jesus face to face.
Questions for you:
How has God humbled you lately?
Have you been humbled by things recently?
What humbles you about life?
BEST recipe you’ve tried recently?