One of the biggest questions I struggled with after I graduated high school was, “What does God want me to do? What is His purpose for me?”
I think that’s what my eating disorder gave me for a few years. It gave me a superficial sense of identity. It gave me what I thought was purpose. It wasn’t real purpose, true purpose, joyful purpose. It was an empty sort of cotton candy, and it always left me wanting to really know why I was made to be on this earth.
Yet now, I can say that for the first time in 22.5 years I am the freest I have ever been, and it’s because I’m getting a little taste, by God’s grace, of what my purpose really is.
My purpose is to love God.
A man, passionately expositing on God’s Word said this. ‘When we sin, we are no longer breaking the law, as much as we are betraying the love of Christ.’
That really got me to thinking. Christ loved me and gave Himself for me. He came that I might have life. He came to make me a new creature in Christ. The best part about it is that it’s no longer a relationship of fear or condemnation under the law, because in Romans 6, Paul says that we are no longer under the law but under grace. He sent Jesus, His Son, both God and man, to build the bridge that had been burnt between God and man by virtue of man’s sin. In the beginning, man’s purpose was to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. It was to walk in relationship with our precious and AWESOME Heavenly Father, but man broke that.
Yet he also presents the question that many would ask. ‘Well, if I’m not under the law, then that means I can sin, right? And grace will just cover it.” No, that’s not true, because if you loved a father, would you want to disobey him? Jesus didn’t die to make me more corrupt. He died to make me good. Would I want to directly oppose and disdain the love of an earthly father? Why would I disdain the love of a heavenly Father by disobeying Him? No, I can’t. I don’t want to displease God, and because of Him, I am undergoing a lifelong process of being purified and changed which DEFINITELY doesn’t end in this life. (AKA: I’m not a perfect person.)
Jesus not only came to die for our sins, but He rose again to give us hope of the resurrection. And He died to purify us, to make us good. Philippians 2:13 says, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” When God saved me from my sins, from my eating disorder, He didn’t just save me. He started working on me, to make me good, to pull me away from that idol of my body, fitness, and food, and to draw me to Himself.
God is the best Father. No father on this earth will ever possibly compare to Him, and He gives the assurance of eternal life with Him, an eternal life of worship, adoration, and praise.
The most comforting part is that this eternal life with Him gives me purpose. Each day I can wake up knowing that when I die, it’s not the end. Did I do anything to get it, to snatch that eternal life? No, I didn’t, but that’s what makes the grace so amazing.
Why am I so thankful today? I’m thankful that Jesus gives me purpose and reason to live and breathe day in and day out. The verse from this hymn has encouraged my heart so much as I think about the many ways in which God has entirely released me from the bondage of my eating disorder, and my heart rises and swells in praise knowing that this truly is ‘amazing grace!’
‘My name from the palms of His hands
Eternity will not erase;
Impressed on His heart it remains
In marks of indelible grace.
Yes, I to the end shall endure,
As sure as the earnest is given
More happy, but not more secure,
The glorified spirits in heaven.’
Why are you thankful today?
If I were to ask you, ‘What gives you purpose?’, what would you say?