Edited to Add: Right now I thank God that by His grace, I am at a really good place in recovery. I haven’t experience many of these darkest parts of recovery right now; I do have other struggles, but I am so thankful to remind you all that His grace and power do deliver us from the darkest parts. I am free from many of these thoughts, more free than I’ve ever been before, but I do want those who are still going through them to know that you are not alone.
Sigh. This is not something that I love to talk about, but it is something that is true, and I’m thankful that God’s precious Word doesn’t avoid the darkest places that we face, the depth of grief, the hard things that I can barely talk to other people about, and yet He brings JOY. Psalm 22 is the psalm that came to my mind tonight when I was talking to someone about the very hardest, darkest parts of recovery.
‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring? O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent.’ (Psalm 22:1-2)
There were times I went through recovery that I felt utterly forsaken. I had no where to turn, and even when I prayed, I felt like I was abandoned. It seemed as if no one cared. And these darkest parts? I’m going to share some of these darkest thoughts with you and end with what has and constantly gives me solid, constant joy and hope after going through those impossible seeming dark, broken days and weeks and months and years.
Some of the things I thought were,