I struggle with getting out of my routine. I love getting up in the morning, listening to a sermon, reading blogs, taking the dogs for a run or a walk, and then going off to do my work for the day. However, travel is so good at upsetting that routine which is a WONDERFUL thing for an eating disorder. Eating disorders love predictability, but God loves to train His children to trust Him. That’s what travel has taught me.
9/11/2017 – 16 years ago I was 8 years old. I don’t think I really understood what happened that day. I knew it shook up the country. I knew that people had died in a horrible attack, and now it has sunk in only deeper. Life is so fragile and vulnerable. My life is so fragile; so many people passed from life into eternity that day. My heart hurts knowing that there were people who lost loved ones that day. I think one of the books that made it so real to me was this book, ‘Let’s Roll’ by Todd Beamer’s Wife. Todd died in a plane crash that day, a plane that was meant to go into another place and kill so many more people. He was one of the ones that attempted to retake the plane from the hijackers, and the plane crashed in Pennsylvania. The book is so powerful, and it reminds me that my life is in God’s hands. And there is no saying when I will die, and I want to be ready. I want to pray for those who are really grieving so hard today knowing that they lost ones they loved, and I want to continue to pray for those who are being affected by Hurricane Irma and the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey.
Meredith, my friend at the Cookie Chrunicle shared a post as she was so close that day to the happenings of September 11th, 2001.
‘O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.’ (1 Corinthians 15:55-57)
I never thought I would share that I once struggled with binging (AKA: eating large quantities till I was uncomfortably full.), but I know God humbled my spirit through it and drew me closer to Himself and farther from the food that was my idol.
This week was another … incredible week. The weeks are really flying by till our … trip to … DRUMROLL…. Europe. I’ll share more about that during the trip, but I’m really looking forward to 5 weeks of time with my family, driving, exploring, sleeping in the car, and hopefully eating some European chocolate. However, let’s review this week. What happened? I’m learning about healing and that healing is … slow. I’m not the most patient person in the world, but I’m thankful that healing is teaching me to wait on the Lord and not want healing, especially for my gut, right now. Honestly, it’s been kind of a down week for the gut, but I’m not hopeless; I know that the Lord has been teaching me to pray, wait, hope, rest, be faithful, and obedient in this waiting season. But I can’t say it’s easy.
Hiatuses: (aka: breaks or fasts) from things are something that is coming to my attention more and more this week as this year has been a FAST year. There has been so much happening with life changes, people coming to our house, stepping back from the blog, but focusing more on relationships, and I’m realizing that fasts from things or hiatuses are so beneficial, so you can focus on other things, grow deeper in seeking and wanting and desiring the Lord more, and that you don’t have to have those things to live.
This post was originally written in 2016. I’ve been learning and growing in intuitive eating since then, but I still have a long way to go. I’m thankful for those of you who have come along with me on this journey. Most of all I’m thankful that God is using it to teach me to trust Him more.
Trusting God is a part of eating intuitively. I know that is why I still balk at intuitive eating some days. I know that I don’t trust God enough; I trust in my own feelings or I don’t trust anything at all. Why would I not trust a loving Heavenly Father, who is slow to anger (Nehemiah 9:31), plenteous in mercy (Psalm 145:8), perfectly holy (1 John 1:5), perfectly just (2 Thessalonians 1:6) and the VERY essence of love for every bit of food, every breath of air I breath? He is so perfect, wise, heavenly, and wonderful. He can take care of my body SO much more perfectly than I could ever attempt to do, and He gave me the intuitive eating signals. Why is it wrong to listen?
Last night I came home from a rather … trying… experience. I was tired and a bit nervous, but I pulled my Bible out and opened to this Psalm.
Psalm 146:3-6, ‘
3Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help.
4His breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish.
5Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the LORD his God:
6Which made heaven, and earth, the sea, and all that therein is: which keepeth truth for ever:’
Those verses are so comforting to me. And they also hit me where it hurts, because they show me that too often I’m putting my trust in things that can’t help me. But when I fix my eyes on God, the God of Jacob, I will be happy, content, peaceful, because God has all the power. He has all the knowledge. Even when I don’t know, God knows. That’s why I can trust Him, trust Jesus with EVERY single part of my being including my eating.
Answer: It’s not wrong to listen to my intuitive eating signals. Now that I’m weight restored I’m learning that trusting my intuitive eating signals is a way of seeing that God has restored my body to a healthier place.
I’m not the epitome of trusting God. Too often, I’m the little chattering girl in the corner, thinking or worrying about all the ways that ‘food’ could affect me negatively or how a lost workout could be. . . a big bummer. This is a journey; God is teaching me to trust Him with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding.
I’m thankful that those moments come much less often than they used to, but I can’t say that I am perfect at trusting God when it comes to life and specifically eating without fear or guilt.