This post scares me, because this is such a deep subject, one that I’m not qualified at all to share on, but I trust that God uses the weak things of this world. Talking about the soul is not cut and dry. I’m coming to you in weakness and fear and much trembling, knowing that God can do mighty things as He wills!
Yet by God’s grace, I pray that His glory and grace and love could be evident in this post and encourage you and cause you to think and bless you.
I felt a pressing urge on my heart to talk about this subject as this has probably been the one and only thing that has kept me from relapse every day and given me hope for life. I’m thankful that the Lord enabled Lyss and I to get to share these thoughts every Tuesday and just share what God is teaching us through recovery and struggles with eating and body image.
In recovery, I learned a painful and wonderful lesson.
I learned that the biggest part of taking care of my body as the temple of the Holy Spirit isn’t the eating of calories, which does help, but most of all, the nourishment of the soul.
I’m going to talk about something that has been a huge struggle for me over 23 years. In fact, it still is a huge struggle for me everyday, but it’s something that my heart desires more now than it ever has before.
Am I talking about ice cream? Well, I do love ice cream, but this is something that is far deeper and more convicting to my often wayward, distracted heart.
I’m going to talk about spiritual hunger, and as a Christian, what happens, when you are going through a REALLY dry and thirsty land in your spirit and soul.
Spiritual hunger was something that I very rarely had for the first 20 years of my life. I would say, shamefully and sadly, that I was a ‘spiritual cruiser’ and ‘moralist.’
This was honestly, not something, that struck me, until I began to struggle with an eating disorder.
When I got into exercising for the first time, I would exercise for hours. I had an insatiable hunger to be skinny, fit, healthy, or fill in the blank. And you know what?
That hunger was like an idol. Idols destroy you. Idols are what Satan uses to distract people from worshipping the only One who is worthy of our worship, the Almighty God and Lord of the Universe. And that idol started to strip me away.
I couldn’t NOT exercise. I would read my Bible for 10 minutes (like a thing on the checklist), put it away, and go ride the bike for um… 3…. 4 hours.
It felt like this chain that bound me to it. The more I hungered for skinniness, the more I died inside.
God didn’t make us just bodies.
We weren’t made to just feed our metabolisms; there is something so special about humans. We were created in the image of God, made a living soul.
A soul. Yet, I was just caring about my body, and I had almost completely forgotten about the deepest hunger, the hunger that satisfies every other hunger, that sets the mind, the body, the spirit right. That was the hunger of my soul.
For a long time, Christianity was a teaching to me not the wonder of Jesus Christ. I didn’t think about how Jesus Christ had come to free me from my sin, about Jesus Christ being the VICTOR and Lord of my life, about His burden being light and easy; I only thought about all the things I couldn’t do as a Christian.