There is one thing I did not know that much about before recovery and struggling with an eating disorder. In the last 7 years, my digestion has honestly been a mess. Well, I shouldn’t paint it worse than it is, because most days are pretty good, but others days are not so good. And I don’t exactly know why it happens? However I wanted to share what I’m learning in it and what I’m hoping to do about it.
#1) I used to have pretty good digestion, for which I’m really thankful. At least I never really thought about it. My stomach was probably fairly normal by most standards.
Then came eating struggles and years of battling with an eating disorder.
#2) Now I feel like my digestion really has taken a turn for … the confusing?
It’s interesting because my digestion is not predictable. There isn’t one food that sets my stomach off. Sometimes it’s a cookie like last night. I think this might be a fruit of years of restriction, and it’s been something that has given me some anxiety and a bit of discomfort.
But at other times, I’ve eaten a cookie late at night, and it doesn’t do anything. Last night I was in bed in agony, and today, all day, I was pretty bloated after last night. I don’t even know why, because I ate the other half of this cookie a couple weeks ago, and nothing happened.
*Scratches head in confusion*
‘Our bodies are SO complex.’
Yet, I’m grateful for all these struggles because they’ve taught me several lessons (which I’m still in the process of learning)
#1) The body is complex. The digestion that goes on everyday in our bodies is not something that I should take for granted. There are so many inner workings to it that I don’t see that I used to take for granted. Truly, we aren’t a product of random chance, but wonderfully formed and created by a loving, merciful, holy, awesome God.
#2) When I do have struggles it enables me to sympathize with others who are suffering and seek answers and the Lord’s healing with them. There are so many other girls who suffer joyfully and yet silently, whose blogs and Instagrams I follow, that are examples of joy in suffering. They don’t complain, but I know that they are suffering. When I suffer it reminds me to pray for them and keep them in my mind and heart.
Psalm 107:19-21, ‘Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
‘#5) The struggles have reminded me that this world is not the end and that some day there will be no more suffering. That’s why I’m fighting for healing and hope. Because God did not mean for our bodies to be run down, and He redeems bodies. He heals. – Romans 8:18, ‘For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.’
#6) When I do struggle, I appreciate the good days EVEN more. I realize that the Lord is near in every trial. – Psalm 34:18, ‘The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.’
These things are teaching me to hope. I’m hoping in a day when I will have a new, restored body, and that hope keeps me going. For right now, I’m praying and hoping as I walk this road.
The biggest prayers right now?
I don’t want to just discount or ignore my digestive struggles and muscle through it while I’m ruining my digestive tract. That wouldn’t be a wise way to steward the body that God has given me, so I’m going to be thinking and praying about what to do in the next couple months.
I don’t want this post to sound like I’m being a martyr, because that would be false humility, and today, after a sister in Christ commented on it and asked me about this, I really thought.
Am I being a martyr when I should be really getting to the root of these issues and asking the Lord for wisdom and taking care of my body? Am I being careless and cocky?
I think the conclusion that I came to is that the way I wrote this post to begin with was not in the right spirit. I was feeling too sorry for myself, and I wasn’t actually wanting to take care of the body, the temple of the Holy Spirit that my body is.
MOST of all, PLEASE do not look at me as the paragon of recovery. But I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Thank you for not abandoning me and encouraging me on this journey.
In the midst of it all, I know that GOD is GOOD, and that He is not the author of suffering but of hope and healing. His goodness and mercy follow me every day, despite the circumstances. And He will take care of me in the valleys and on the mountains, because He is a merciful, tender, loving, gracious, pure, and holy Heavenly Father.
Most of all, I do believe and know that God heals. The Lord is near to the broken in heart. He binds up wounds, and He is the Giver of Life. I know and trust that He will heal me, because He is the healer of bodies, souls, minds, and spirits.
Please take care of yourself. Please take care of your body. It is a precious gift, so fearfully and wonderfully designed.
Know that you aren’t on this journey alone, and I would love to talk or share stories if you can be encouraged. However, I can’t really help you on issues of digestion because I’m still working through these things. However, I would love to support in any way possible. <3
I also wanted to share some of the women who have REALLY encouraged me in the harder parts of recovery who have delved into some of these tricky issues:
For right now I want to seek wisdom from the Lord on this and who to approach about the digestion issue. I don’t want to ignore it, but I don’t want to BLOW it up to a big issue. My desire is to be a good steward of this body for God’s glory, so that I can use it as long as He wills.
Have you ever struggled with digestion?
What did you do? Did you find out the things that triggered it?
Are there certain kinds of things that will trigger digestion struggles for you (stress, etcetra…)?