The one big thing I’ve learned this week so far is that it’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel even though you may feel embarrassed or weird about it. It’s part of what makes you human. Sometimes I hate the feeling of being sad or wanting to cry because it makes me feel like a weak human being. And let’s be real. I am a weak human being without Jesus. I need Jesus every single second of my life, and I think that those tears, those feelings of heaviness draw me back to the cross of Jesus Christ, draw me back to the hope of the Risen Savior and Lord.
Why am I sad? I’m sad, because lately there have just been a great deal of changes flooding into my life, and I do not like change. It feels like everything is changing around me, yet I am HOPING and resting my heart on the fact that God is the only one Who does not change. Jesus does not change. He is that constant Friend, my Lord, my King, my God.
I’m thankful that Jesus knows my sadness, because it’s hard for me to express it to another human being. It’s hard for me to verbalize it because I almost feel awkward or weird or ashamed of feeling that way.
One thing that my dad said on Sunday when we were studying the Psalms was that they reveal to us that God is God of emotion. It’s not that our emotion is exactly like His, because He is God and we’re not. But He did make us in His image, and if you browse through the Psalms you will find the depth of emotion, sadness, doubt, despair, and also the extreme emotions of joy, dancing, singing, praise, blessing God for all His wonders!
Honestly this Psalm has been on my mind and heart since I read it two days ago when I was feeling really… sad.
“I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me. In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah. Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times. I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search. Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more? Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore. Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.
10 And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings. Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God? Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.”
There is despair in this Psalm but there is not hopelessness, because he remembers what God has already done, how God has always been good ALL his life. And will God stop being good? No, because God is a good Heavenly Father, and He never changes. And Jesus Christ, our Savior, came to show us that love, to reveal that love, that mighty mercy and grace to us; and He revealed to us that the purpose of the Father for His children is glorious (sometimes hard) but always wonderful.
I’m so encouraged and hopeful in that God wants to hear the heart cries of His children, and He is the God who answers. Just like He parted the waters of the Red Sea, heard the cry of Hannah when she cried out for a child, delivered King David SO many times from his enemies, I know that my God will always be with me, even when I’m sad and crying and unsure.
That’s why I’ve retreated from much of the internet; I can’t process my feelings by shutting them off with social media. I actually love Instagram, and I can readily ask others to pray for me on there, but I found that the other social media forms were just draining me emotionally.
So…. I stopped using Facebook and Twitter; and it’s been freeing.
I’m not saying those are bad, but not being on those sites has allowed me to really check into what I’m feeling, what God says about what I’m feeling, and meditate on the truth.
And the truth will and does set me free every time.
Let’s end this with saying that I’m … feeling content, stuck, happy, sad, hopeful, a bit broken hearted, and yet very expectant of what God is going to do.
<3 you all, and I’m not sharing this to garner a pity party. I just wanted to let you know that if you’re in the same boat, it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to take all those burdens to the Lord and sob them out, to feel, and remember that He has you in the palm of His hands.
Do you have a hard time letting yourself feel?
Are you a person who cries a lot or do you not cry as much?
How do you express your feelings?