Indifference is so easy especially in life, recovery, relationships. It’s so easy to look at the uphill, seemingly dreary climb ahead of you and think, ‘How in the world can I do that?’ And I become indifferent. Indifference is something that often dogs the weary, especially when you’re tired, tired of fighting, tired of going on, but how does one fight it? Often, I just sit there and don’t do anything; I don’t have any energy to do anything. I just stare blankly into space, and I hate the feeling.
Indifference can include hours of prayer and wrestling, wanting to love, wanting to wonder at God and His grace, but not feeling anything. I’m not talking about mere feelings that just come and go but a soul passion, a deep fire and hunger for Him.
But, even though I hate this realization; I also am so thankful for it. It’s reminded me that I need Jesus Christ to save me, to quicken me. I can’t fix myself or do this journey by shouldering through on my own.
Indifference is something that God warns His church of in Revelations 3, and it impressed in my mind 3 things:
#1) Indifference is natural to the human. It’s what we revert to when we don’t know what to do. We can’t make ourselves love God. God has to make us alive so we can love Him.
#2) I was truly dead in trespasses and sins before God quickened me. I didn’t quicken me. God did.
#3) God’s love for us was unconditional, and that’s what should FUEL the fire of my love for Him, love for LIFE, and love for the people He has made.
Can you tell I’ve been struggling with feeling indifferent towards life, relationships and even struggling with really wanting to desire and seek God, His kingdom first and to love Him more?
But I am encouraged, because He does not give up on us. He gave the promise at the end of the warning in Revelations 3. He calls those who are too satisfied with themselves, too comfortable, too indifferent to see that they NEED Jesus, that they need Him, that He’s the only way we can be right with God.
‘I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
17 Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:
18 I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see.
19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
21 To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.
22 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.’
We shouldn’t resist the loving exhortations of our Father, because He loves us. If we weren’t His children, He wouldn’t rebuke and chasten us.
Instead of focusing on my own ‘insufficiency’ I’m focusing on Jesus Christ, on God who can do ABUNDANTLY above anything I can ask or think. He enables me to keep on this recovery journey, and He will enable me to continue.
‘May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.’ (Ephesians 3:18-21)
Loving God in fueling my body can seem impossible at times.
Loving my Father in using my body for Him and my mind for Him can seem so hard, because my human strength is so weak.
BUT HE IS SO STRONG IN ME. His strength is INFINITE.
I overthink things way too much, so this year will be a year of learning how to trust Him more and my own strength that goes in waves less. Thank you sweet Megan for reminding that this is what we need to do: Trust.
If I feel indifferent, He is the One who makes me alive, and I know He does and will. To God be the glory!
How am I going to learn to trust?
When I don’t feel like eating because I just don’t want to get fat I’ll eat a huge jar of comforting oatmeal:
When I’m not wanting to get into God’s Word, I’m going to go and trust that God will do a work in my heart, to enliven me to His truth.
When I’m not wanting to love my family or my friends, I’m going to look at the love of God for me, for His church, and wonder at His grace…
When recovery seems impossible and I feel indifferent towards life I’m going to trust that God made me for His glory and to LIVE, not to listen to the devil’s lies that say, ‘Life isn’t worth living.’
And I’m going to live, because Christ lives in me.
Now go conquer those lions through the power of Christ Jesus that rests on you!
Do you ever struggle with feeling indifferent?
Indifference: What areas of your life do you feel indifferent in right now?
How have you seen God’s miraculous work of enlivening you?