The day when you fall in love is a wonderful day, and every day I’m remembering my first love more and more. I’m not sure if your wheels started turning, and you started thinking, ‘What??? Does Emily have a boyfriend that we don’t know about, and why didn’t she share it with the blog readers?’
I’m now updating this blog post, because I’ve been learning so much more about love, the love of Jesus, the love of God for His children, the love of God for His Son Jesus, and even how God uses the picture of Christian marriage to show a taste of what Jesus’ love is like for His beloved bride, the church.
Lately, I’ve been struggling…. For about 4 years, I was sooo happy not being married or interested or dating or courting anyone. After going through a potential relationship and discovering that it wasn’t what God had for me, I remember crying out to the Lord and asking, ‘Lord if it be your will would you keep me single for at least a year?’
My heart was hurting that year. It was a hard decision that year, but I knew it was the right one after so much prayer and tears.
Afterwards I felt lost . . . but it was going to be a journey, a road of 4 years of growing deeper in relationship with my Lord Jesus, of coming to know God more, of coming to wonder at Who God is, at His incredible love, and realize that the Christian life isn’t about a head knowledge but a heart knowledge, a communion with and restoration to relationship with God.
I have savored every single moment of these past few years. I’ve learned that the steadfast love of God is the ONE thing I need. It’s the assurance I need to keep going every single day. I don’t have to have someone tell me that they love me to feel secure…
But . . . I must confess that I too easily fall into the trap here of saying, ‘I don’t need other human beings.’ Well, that’s not true. Just like you need people to share your struggles with, you need people to love, people to be in relationship with day by day. That’s how God made us.
This kind of hit me in the face about a month ago . . . when feelings, feelings that I did not expect started to creep up. I really am not very good at dealing with any feelings related to …. romance?
I know God made these feelings. It is no mistake that God made man for the woman.
I was confused by these feelings, but an overwhelming sense of peace has also flooded my heart knowing that God’s plan for whether I’ll be married or stay single for the rest of my life is PERFECT.
Sometimes I want thing like this right now, but I’ve sensed the Lord asking me to, ‘Wait.’
I stink at waiting.
And while I wait, I’m still falling love with the best story, the best Friend, Master, King in the world. It’s that story of Jesus that is being written on my heart every single day. It’s that story that brings chills down my back because I can’t comprehend the depth of love and justice, mercy and truth that met on the cross of Jesus Christ my Lord.
I am falling in love with the story of Jesus Christ, the preciousness of the person of Jesus Christ all over again, and realizing just how much it means that Christ came into the world to seek and save the lost, poor broken souls like me and others. Realizing that Jesus was the ONE who restored our relationship with God so that we could CRY, ‘Abba Father,’ is amazing, astounding to me.
(Jesus bridges all cultures. This Chinese lady was a lady we met in San Francisco. Her English was broken, and I have ZERO Chinese, but we almost instantly connected when we discovered that we both loved Jesus. It was precious.)
This isn’t about a fake religion. For 21 years of my life, I treated it that way. I treated it like a ‘Jesus plus’ relationship, and it tore me in half. It was like having a divided loyalty between two things, God and myself. I couldn’t be loyal or true to myself. I was created for MORE than that, and for that I am undeservingly grateful.
God didn’t pick one of us to atone for our wrong doings, to bring us back into relationship with Him. He picked His only Begotten Son. Can you imagine giving up your only child, your only son to die for people that hated you? I can’t.
This precious gift of love was the most awesome gift in HISTORY. No other person has been expected or talked about as much as Jesus Christ in every culture and nation, because Jesus was no ordinary person. He was both God and man. Isaiah 9:6-7, ‘For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.’
Why did Jesus come into the world? In short, I think John 3:16-21 sums it up in a such a beautiful and true way, ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.’
(Because of Jesus, I can be joyful. In Him, I am secure.)
He is and will always be my first love. It’s okay if I’m never married; it’s okay if God wants me to be single and serve Him that way. In that I want to be content; as long as I have breath.
But some day if I should get married, I pray that I can love that man how Jesus loved me, with just a small fraction of that love with which Jesus Christ, God my Father loved and gave Himself for me.
Linking up with Amanda for Thinking out Loud Thursday!
Have you heard the story of Jesus Christ? Do you believe in Jesus?
What are you thankful for today?
Have you ever fallen in love?