This isn’t a post I was excited about writing. In a way, I feel kind of ashamed to write it, but I’m going to just step out in faith and do it. I didn’t have many digestive issues, if any, before I struggled with an ED. And those struggles didn’t really show up until a few years into restriction. Now, I don’t have scientific evidence to back up what I’m saying, but I don’t think that caloric restriction (purposeful) did anything but hurt my body and damaged my gut.
I’m sharing this to think out loud and just hopefully encourage anybody else who might be going through the same thing to let you know that you aren’t alone.
Now, I was listening to a podcast from Nourishing Minds Nutrition about some of these very issues called ‘Why Calories Don’t Matter’, and it made me think about how much I still count or ‘estimate’ calories in my head. I rarely find myself looking up calories online, but I do find myself keeping an ‘estimate’ in my head of how many I ate, which typically tends to be between 2000-2500. I don’t say that to make anyone want to eat the same as me or compare their diet to mine, but I’m being honest with you that I am not a complete intuitive eater.
And now. . . here is the challenge. Since I struggle with the feeling of being REALLY full (even when I’m not and I do still need more food) or a certain food making me really bloated, I find myself not wanting to eat.
Yet I know I need to eat, and by God’s grace I have been able to overcome this mental block many times.
This past month I failed quite a few times on this account. I restricted many of the days, not because I wanted to be skinny, but because I was afraid of the digestive reprecussions especially away from home.
I have experienced a great deal of healing this past year in my digestive system, but I think I still have a long road to go.
I’m thankful for the opportunity to be back home and continue dealing with, working through, thinking about, and learning from the messiness of recovery.
I’m a mess, but my Savior is a great Savior.
I’m not always good at recovery; I have ups and downs, but Jesus remains constant.
One win for recovery tonight? – On our way home, I was able to get a big salad with all the eggs, bacon, cheese, and turkey, eat some chocolate, and an ice cream cone in order to make up for a few days of not nourishing myself well.
Naomi’s Post tonight particularly encouraged me when it comes to recovery. – I haven’t weighed myself in about 2-3 years, and I don’t ever want to go back to it.
I am encouraged in that I think digestive healing is possible; it just won’t come quickly. I need to learn to be patient and gentle, because my Lord Jesus Christ is patient and gentle with me.
Have you had ED struggles that you think damaged your digestion?
How did you heal or how are you healing from them?